雨 rain

离上一场雨已经太久太久了。我喜欢雨，尤其是夏天的雨，可能和海一样，自然的水让我感到平静。自小以来，下雨天我就很兴奋，至今也没找到原因，可能觉得下雨天是会有大事发生的时候吧，大事的发生会刺激我的神经，让我有一种饱足感和参与感。昨天已经订了香港飞匹兹堡的机票，8月10号中午起飞，略早，父亲听到之后随即问我怎么那么早，母亲也抱怨的口气觉得太早。我只能说我们都还没有适应久离对方的感觉。阴雨天让人有一种任务在身的冲动，有时我能呆呆地盯着窗外的大雨，看上两个小时，脑袋里各种各样的思绪。比如我在夏天的雨声中在诺大的房间里醒来，身体松垮地摆放在干爽舒适的床上，然后我起身把窗子微开，裸体，然后土的味道。又比如我晚上坐在书房，台灯，🎵Flightless Bird, American Mouth-Iron & Wine,，然后阅读。是什么让我对雨，海，夏天如此痴迷热爱，可能我是一团竭力燃烧的火吧。

It’s been so long since last rain. I like the rain, especially in the summer, maybe it’s like the ocean, water from nature calm me. Since childhood, rainy days excite me, with the reasons unfound until this day. Maybe it makes me feel like something epic would happen on rainy days, big events would jar my nerves, give me a sense of satisfaction and participation. The ticket from Hong Kong to Pittsburgh was booked yesterday, taking off noon on Aug 10th, a date that is a bit early for school. Dad asked why in a stunning way, Ma also complained after that it’s too early. I can only assume that we all haven’t gotten used to the feeling or the idea of living off far from each other. Rainy days make you feel the impulse of pulling off a mission or performing a duty, sometimes I blankly stared the raindrops on the other side of the window, 2 hours straight, all kinds of thoughts just flying and bouncing in my head. As one of the visual images I had is that I woke up in a spacious modernistic room, caught in a heavy summer rain, my body was just full relaxed lying on the bed, clean, dry and cozy, uncovered. Then I stood up walking to the window, leaving it slightly open, then the whiff of wet mud. Another one would be that I sat in my study room, the table lamp was on, 🎵Flightless Bird, American Mouth-Iron & Wine with the pitter-patter outside, reading.

What exactly makes me obsessed with rain, the ocean, and summer? Maybe it’s because that I am a ball of fire trying my best to burn and light.