(WFH) Ideas Bounce

I started to understand why Drew watched every episode of She’s Gotta Have It twice, maybe not exactly clear about the reason that he thinks it’s a must watch for him but I see why it’s worth to watch twice. A fun fact, do you know that the show is actually first on film as a comedy-drama movie in 1986, a black-and-white TV era. It’s the same storyline with the 2017 Netflix version without cultural polish from 2017. Isn’t it interesting that millennials carried out the same spirit, problems, and fights while being distinguished as provocative and different?

It is a show that can free you of thinking or digging deep into the hidden message. The show itself is the thinking. It’s clear, obvious, and straightforward on what it’s trying to convey. It’s almost never happened to me, that I wasn’t too mentally exhausted after watching a show, or too dragged into it. Inspirational I would call it, without the sacrifice of time and energy spent gauging what’s behind. I’m not trying to give a review here, there’s no need to write one, and there’s nothing to write the review for. She’s Gotta Have It is thoughts and voices, they are to be interacted with, not commented on.

Yesterday I worked from home because I was trying to let this infected area to scab by moving as little as possible. I’m glad it did. I’m not happy with the speed, but I know those cells are fighting their way to get back to normal, well, with some help of antibiotics. Indeed it was just Bacitracin. It’s funny when you think about “normal”, like how would the cells know when to start to proliferate and when to stop, it’s hard to imagine how the line was drawn. I’m sure there’s a whole molecular explanation about that, yet it’s fascinating to see the changes.

… Have you ever heard of dermoid cysts? They are among the most mysterious of pathological conditions, A man perceives a lump to be forming on his eyebrow, or his shoulder, or any other part of his person. It increases rapidly until it attains alarming proportions. He hurries to a surgeon who, under the impression that the swelling is an abscess, opens it and finds - teeth, hair, bones, perhaps even some attempt at the formation of an arm of a leg. Apparently, nothing but the defective blood supply of the part has prevented the formation of a perfect human being. What are we to understand by that? So startling a phenomenon must have some deep meanings. I imagine that the true explanation is that every cell in our organizations has a power latent in it by which it may reproduce the whole individual, and that occasionally under some special circumstances - some obscure local nervous or vascular excitement - one of these microscopic units of structure actually does make a clumsy attempt in that direction.

In The Narrative of John Smith, Arthur Conan Doyle articulated all the thoughts about how each human cells carries this person’s everything, life, personality, impact, etc. In The Lost World, his scientist character Professor Challenger says to a rival: “No, Summerlee, I will have none of your materialism, for I, at least, am too great a thing to end in mere physical constituents, a packet of salts and three bucketfuls of waters.” Well, this is a fundamental issue, one that had me thinking since a teenager and only beliefs are there to keep me from collapsing. I made peace with it. I try to limit the scope to my lifetime, or even shorter. I might never be able to be like Nola Darling, to say something like

So what? I have to be a good girl and get married to count in your book? That’s ridiculous. Besides, I am not dating three men.
…
I’m doing what makes me feel good, and that’s Opal right now.

And to really only live in the moment. I think I’m more ruled by what I deem as an optimal outcome. That brings the plans and goals and rules I’ll have to follow, not necessarily forcing myself to follow but the effect of delayed gratification has always worked for me. I’m more of an Opal person and have no issues with commitment, well not that I know of. She’s right about Nola.

Nola: I want to try committing to you. Isn’t that the only way to learn how to do it?
Opal: I was your age when I had Sky, I was young, but I was sure that I wanted to be a mom. And you, you’re not sure about anything. I’m drawn to you because you have this energy I had before Sky came along, and I don’t want you to be anyone but yourself. But do not make promises to me that we know you can’t keep.

Oh, I love Nola, don’t get me wrong. She’s passionate, she knows her existence, and makes sure that she has a very accurate perception of that. She’s got very strong principles, and she knows to an extent about issues, cultures and most importantly, what it means to be a human being at the moment, right now. But the life experiences she chooses to have are not what I personally would, for sure that uniqueness is very much needed and seen as a pioneer for a specific group of people as life exploration role model. She’s not perfect, she’s bound, she tries not to be, I admire that, it took more than just her art talent. But under most circumstances, “I’m doing what makes me feel good” is an action that could lead to unpleasant consequences with the involvement of other individuals, which is by definition one of the representations of selfishness. It really in a way reflects each different individuals’ relationship with commitment. The struggle is real, and they’re not just based on my imagination or analysis, they’re from true stories that my friends around had been through or directly confided. It’s absolutely a part of growing up and old, maturing. But it also sheds light on second thought, is commitment really ever necessary? Personally, I would say yes, I would always want a monogamous relationship, a family, another individual that I can commit to. But theoretically, my example of the pack of wolves could be enough for all of us. The responsibilities, pride, bonding, and sense of belonging a commitment could bring feelings almost the same of taking ownership of each other under each other’s will. Yeah, it almost feels like impossible to differentiate them. Self-secured people don’t have the need to seek external security from others, but could a human being really capable of achieving that? I very much doubt that just imagine when you are the only one in the world with everything that keeps your body healthy, how long you would survive? Do you still have the courage to say that you don’t need the sense of security that another individual, another body could provide? I can’t. There’s a need in me, that to be owned by no one but myself until someone came along and mutual ownership is formed, it’s not objectifying, a human mind is too free to be objectified, even when it’s willing to be. Isn’t that a sort of commitment? 🤔 Though I’m more of an Opal person, I don’t want to be her, there’s a Nola in me that is still trying to fight for a position.

Gym/Swimming routine is put on pause because of the skin infection, which means I don’t need to sleep at 10 PM and wake up at 6 AM, which also means every morning I am forced to hear a couple enjoying sex around 8 AM. Well, just to be clear, I’m not living in some old apartment with no noise reduction, and it was not my intention. It’s just that they were very loud, well, the girl was, to be exact. I don’t know why I need to address this. I’m just glad that I’m not the only one hearing it.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like at home when you go to work? Well, turns out it is not much of a difference. Or is it? One can’t be ignorant to Schrodinger’s cat. It’s a must remember. I was also on some real struggle deciding whether to sign up for a social sports league for soccer yesterday. It’s a tough decision for me, yeah I know it sounds like a first world problem, but something like that would really take a lot of efforts out of me. I never officially played soccer before, not to say in an organized game, I don’t have the equipment, it takes a lot to socialize which should not be a problem since this is one of the reasons I want to sign up. I know, excuses. “Just do it.” Colin Kaepernick. I know, I know. Believe me, if I’ve got a field and just myself, I would not even have a slip thought of not playing. I’m good at stepping out of my comfort zone by just myself. But I feel that I need a push this time.

Oakland has been pretty cloudy recent days around 3 PM to 6 PM. It rained a few days back, surprisingly and pleasantly. I’ve had a thing for summer rain, it’s the end of the summer now. Jung’s Synchronicity has been put off for too long, I might need a restart. Visual media like movies, shows, live more timelessly in my memory, while music is like the timestamp. I like how music signified my memory of each period of my recent past. When Funk Wav Bounces Vol 1 is on, I can feel like I’m walking to RSF in UCB, I can even smell the sweat after gym each morning, from that 2017 summer.