What’s next?
That’s a question you’d keep asking yourself along the way to your 30’s. Right now, 21:46:00, Aug 8, 2017, I don’t know at all about the answer. The more you listen to the song Jaded by Disclosure, the more you’d feel like telling yourself to admit that the whole thing has reached a point that you can’t proceed simply because you want to. You now are not sure at all if it’s your abilities’ limitation or it’s the mind that stops you. Well, technically speaking, it’s not the abilities that have been there all the time, it is the fact that, most of the abilities that are required for you to proceed can be trained, and gained. Under this circumstances, you struggle, because this training process can be limited in so many ways, like the academic degree you’re getting, the questions you’ve been asked, the problems you’ve solved, etc. I do not hold a negative attitude towards this...

Love this work by Edward Hopper.

买盆植物，就是两个人

离上一场雨已经太久太久了。我喜欢雨，尤其是夏天的雨，可能和海一样，自然的水让我感到平静。自小以来，下雨天我就很兴奋，至今也没找到原因，可能觉得下雨天是会有大事发生的时候吧，大事的发生会刺激我的神经，让我有一种饱足感和参与感。昨天已经订了香港飞匹兹堡的机票，8月10号中午起飞，略早，父亲听到之后随即问我怎么那么早，母亲也抱怨的口气觉得太早。我只能说我们都还没有适应久离对方的感觉。阴雨天让人有一种任务在身的冲动，有时我能呆呆地盯着窗外的大雨，看上两个小时，脑袋里各种各样的思绪。比如我在夏天的雨声中在诺大的房间里醒来，身体松垮地摆放在干爽舒适的床上，然后我起身把窗子微开，裸体，然后土的味道。又比如我晚上坐在书房，台灯，🎵Flightless Bird, American Mouth-Iron & Wine,，然后阅读。是什么让我对雨，海，夏天如此痴迷热爱，可能我是一团竭力燃烧的火吧。

It’s been so long since last rain. I like the rain, especially in the summer, maybe it’s like the ocean, water from nature calm me. Since childhood, rainy days excite me, with the reasons unfound until this day. Maybe it makes me feel like something epic would happen on rainy days, big events would jar my nerves, give me a sense of satisfaction and participation. The ticket from Hong Kong to Pittsburgh was booked yesterday, taking off noon on Aug 10th, a date that is a bit early for school. Dad...

大雨，处理完最后一点事情，比往常晚了2个小时，撑起伞往总部停车场走去，尽管地上飘着湿气，身上却干爽舒适。还是小心翼翼的垫脚走路，这条米白西裤也是个贵重的礼物，免得沾上太多雨水。上车我就翻出了helmut lotti, fly me to the moon，它是眼前这条路的呼唤。此时他应该倚在书房的落地窗边，看着被海面吸收的雨滴，手里拿着剩不到几滴红酒的高脚杯，准备去淋浴，然后换上那套深空灰的居家服。烤箱早已叮咚，还差锁车的身音就能把蓝莓馅饼端上桌。夏天的大雨意味着第二天上午沙滩垂直上方的天空会被一层晨曦裹挟，一般都是这暖调的光穿透我的眼皮，把我叫醒，然后我转头，他就那样静静地躺着，如此近，近得可以看到他的呼吸，脸颊上冒出一层浅须。
路程不远，车灯射向拐角他就应该会认出来然后走向车库。浅蓝色，脑里画面唯一一处不符合，可能是看到衣柜里这套被摆放了太久想要平均一下。他听到了let me play among the stars，他应该在想这应该是单曲6遍的开始。右手探开车门，香桔的清淡，还有热量，舌尖除了红酒，还有蓝莓的味道，被嘱咐慢开所以估计他多嚼了几颗蓝果子。
随在他身后，进门便罢，径直走向餐桌。Nana Mouskouri，When I fall in love. 上次去旅行留下的唯一纪念品唱片机，就是为了餐后的清洗，盘碟的碰撞，只不过今天加入了雨声。雨罢，天色太暗，却起了兴致，晴时雨时夕阳下的沙滩早已被赤裸的双足感受了个遍，这夜间到是少见，拖他出去散步，借口便是他那开始略显脂率微升的腹部。把拖鞋一并递给他，敞开衣扣，温热湿气随风打向身体，身旁起了微浪，细沙直接涌上4个脚背。干脆驻足，他腰左侧的斜內肌却仍线条分明。
冲洗过后，他走向沙发，斜靠上去，桌上还有半杯红酒，拿起遥控翻找着某个片子，等着淋浴间水声停歇。没去卧室换衣，裹着浴巾从沙发背后翻过去，他挪了挪身子，在耳后轻轻呼吸。眼前闪着电视机画面，背后隔着浅蓝色丝绸透出的热量，加上被他右手护住的腹部，已经困意浓浓。可能是有意调低了音量，一会眼前便是厨房里他正在搅拌沙拉的双手上的夕阳，橘色，客厅又响起fly me to...

this is an update:

Puzzle Description:
There’s a prison and it has two gates, one is towards outside, the other is towards a dead end. There’re 2 guards guarding this 2 gates respectively, and it’s interesting that one of them always tell the truth, the other tell the lies. If you’re the only prisoner in this prison, you’re allowed to ask only one question to one of the 2 guards to get to know which gate is towards outside, which isn’t. So, what’d you ask?

    Well, it's not sure which guard guards which gate. So think carefully and give it a shot. It's a really smart puzzle, also, if you google it, you'll find it an ancient logic puzzle. But! Don't do that before you start any thinking. :-).

This was firstly written at 9th July, 2012. It is a comment to one of my classmates’ opinion towards in.

    说得就像人家愿意袖手旁观一样... ...人家管理的是一个国家，考虑的远比日志里写的多了去了，尽管有明显的瑕疵，但在抱怨别人没有做到人人满意前，先看看自己的视野有没有达到360°。就好比电影里那些超级英雄拯救世界一样，是造成的破坏分量重还是挽回的生命分量重，是否该衡量一番？客观理性一点吧，暴句粗口就是“有种你来”。显然类似我这样的高中生也许只有90°的视觉范围，但也绝不会因为蜘蛛侠为了救你老母亲而毁了你辛苦攒钱买的公寓而把他告上法庭，叫他滚蛋。怎么又让我想起了多年前的彭宇案... ...那些天天在领导者背后骂娘的人即使都睹信现象，甚至知道真相，等他们到一线战地上，可能是缝条裤子都差条拉链。就算有那么点能耐，怕也是近墨者黑，近朱者也黑吧。
    你们总觉得这些社会问题就是被他们忽视了，还是那句话，对比对比来看吧，不要那么感性。到自己手上的时候也是鞭长莫及无能为力吧。不可否认的是，它与过去相比是在进步，至少这一点是值得欢喜的，有些事就是如此无奈。问题分析不全面时，就没有话语权，否则提大刀斩乱麻，青红皂白不管不顾，等石头砸到脚上疼了才会乱叫。中国需要鲁迅，不需要愤青，二者仅一线之隔，后者心里只有别人的坏，没有别人的好。他们在这个同情心泛滥的年代乱放同情心，却始终没有意识到自己也是被可怜的对象。
    所以，360°吧，尽本分是最大的好，就算你这个神父越界了可以平一起冤案，也不要冲动。

I’ll keep trying to type things from my notebook to Svbtle. Also regard it as a new timeline for the future. When looking back, at least I can leave some tracks in those past years.

Comments after watching Freier Fall, A German Homosexual Movie.