Consciousness evolved with questions natural selection never designed it to answer, making truth just beyond man’s Darwinian limits.

So the world isn’t acting the way you thought it would. But we don’t see things the way they are, we see things the way we are.

An exciting recurrence jumped to my mind. Memory doesn’t get retrieved just like a genuine and accurate reflection of the past event. Memory is generated and constructed when a recollection occurs, and yes, it is strongly affected by the retrieval environment under certain circumstances. I would like to assume that this is also highly related to how our views and values are built throughout our own unique journey of growing up.

A double effect process. How you make a decision depends on your past and your current situation, sounds cliche but undoubtfully true. The past you “remembered” also depends on the past you encoded in...

I think you’ll be a great husband

• What about a dad?

Yea that too, I think you’ll be a great father

• Yea I just watched Good Will Hunting.

Why have you waited for so many years?

• I was afraid it would impact me too much while I was in school, at that moment, with all the much more vanity I was seeking and my un-discountable ego.

Well how did you feel after watching?

• I felt peace

Good, and anything else?

• You need to be more specific

You never viewed yourself as an observer or a key holder to the lives of those who are around you

• Hmm, looking back maybe I do. And I am close to your description, with the difference that I didn’t mean to do that, it just sorta happened

Yea but when you are consciously doing it, it doesn’t work as well does it?

• You’re right, it hadn’t

It takes a lot to be yourself

You think too much, that’s not a bad thing, it’s hard for most people to exhaust the possibilities. When you can, and you do, make sure you also act

• I did. I played the...

• Weird. It suddenly came to me that out of all those many action movies none of the lead characters are gay

Yeah, that’s kinda very true

But does it really matter

• Yea
• It does
• For those gay teens who haven’t figured themselves out

So seeing a gay guy punch people and jump out of windows is going to help that

• Yea
• It helps to shape how gays could also be in the mind of old generations and most of the straight people
• It helps for others to realize that except sexuality everything else is no different

Um I guess so, you can also teach your child to imagine and acknowledge the possibility of things beyond what you see

• Not younger, lol
• The older and the society. Those gay teens would only judge themselves before the self-acceptance according to the hiding rules and standards set by the society

Well if you want gay heroes and what have you. You can’t beg and wait for the straights...

Dreamed about family again, 1 year and a half without any in-person interactions with any of my family members. I can’t even imagine what it would be like if next summer, unfortunately, I could not go back. Then I’ll have to wait until next lunar new year(Well, 2019 lunar new year), during when I can take a vocation of around 1 month. Then I’ll have to come back again. There will only be winter in my hometown. It’s a sad thing, considering how much I love spring and summer there.

We were planning for a trip next summer, the family trip. We need this, my family needs this. We haven’t been able to do it since I was in middle school. I remember we went to Beijing traveling after I finished my elementary school, then 2 years later, my grandpa had a stroke. Or should I say, starting to have strokes? He had 3 in total. The first one got him right side paralyzed, lost the capability of clear...

What’s next?
That’s a question you’d keep asking yourself along the way to your 30’s. Right now, 21:46:00, Aug 8, 2017, I don’t know at all about the answer. The more you listen to the song Jaded by Disclosure, the more you’d feel like telling yourself to admit that the whole thing has reached a point that you can’t proceed simply because you want to. You now are not sure at all if it’s your abilities’ limitation or it’s the mind that stops you. Well, technically speaking, it’s not the abilities that have been there all the time, it is the fact that, most of the abilities that are required for you to proceed can be trained, and gained. Under this circumstances, you struggle, because this training process can be limited in so many ways, like the academic degree you’re getting, the questions you’ve been asked, the problems you’ve solved, etc. I do not hold a negative attitude towards this...

Love this work by Edward Hopper.