Mark Watney in the story probably has the home of his in his mind that he could be that way. I just wanna go home, I just want to go home. Be that a person or a place.

I’ve been feeling like a floating dandelion again since January. Decently horrifying feeling I think. I’ve felt that before, the first year in Harbin, well, not as strong, and not as lonely, I was indeed with thousands of other dandelions in the flow of the air in the same direction. Until I dropped out of that airflow. I’m floating elsewhere now. You know how a dandelion was first on the ground, with its parental stem, then got blown away and then enters the uncertainty? Then it wants to touch the ground again, wishing a raindrop could just bring it home, wherever it is.

One might ask that why that would be horrifying, isn’t that supposed to be representing freedom? Well, it’s the opposite of freedom. Its life is not in...

First you must come upon a genuine of nothing. Then you’ll find
it costs you nothing to give it away, nothing to keep it.

Adrian asked: How can you tell whether nothing is genuine or not? Raising its beak, the bird said: when that which exists is just as real as that which doesn’t, and when that which doesn’t is just as real as that which does - that’s when your heartache comes to an end.

R: Why do you think it’s going to be so different in America?

G: Because it will be

R: Have you ever been properly alone ?

G: Of course I have

R: I mean properly alone. Sat in a hotel room in Portland, all by yourself, no friends, alone.

G: yes

R: I don’t believe you, I don’t believe you. In a week, you’re going to go completely mental. Of course you are. Because you have no friends, and you’re going to compromise because that is what people do, they comprise, because nobody, fucking, fucking nobody, nobody can deal with being by themselves.

我被罩在透明的球形塑料中，思考着一切现象背后的本质，最后发现根本没有尽头。缸中之脑的信号又有什么意义呢，改造世界？发现真理？真理是永远不可能被发现的
那这一切与我有关的，无关的，悲喜的，又有什么意义呢
事隔四年，我没想到自己的大脑又进了沙箱里，就像没有洞台球桌一样，一个个想法蹦出来，弹来弹去，越弹越慢，弹出了很多，大脑也越来越沉，但是还在弹，一直弹。我想的都是没有意义的。
人类生存繁殖，就是在寻找生存繁殖的意义，如果找不到，就要继续这个过程，直到找到为止。我希望这个意义真的存在吧，但那时候也没有定义意义的主体了。

It doesn’t.

• “Don’t sell cotton candy again.”

“why not”

• “Don’t sell cotton candy no more bro”

“why not”

• “sell coke, water, don’t sell that cotton candy”

“bro I got four kids and they gotta eat”

• jazz club.
• suit case. getaround complaints.
• that BMW jacket, and a cap.
• castro daiquiri. manhattan, triple.
• steak, steak, steak, steak. asked for medium but partially over medium.
• notifications.
• “trout” but salmon.
• leftover sweets.
• the morning before LA.
• “I don’t like taking pictures.”

Leave it on.

Lowest brightness, moderate volume, sounds just distant enough.

Turn the hue to the night mode. Dark, slice of yellowish warmth.

Naked.

Turn to the other side, I’m never a side sleeper. But it helps, for the reduction.

Kindle’s lighted up, the page staring back. Eyes closed, with the smell, imaginations.

Wondering what A.M. would be a nightmare woke up. Or straight to the morning for the notifications.

Repeat. Memory’s flushing.

Me and read receipts have a love hate thing.

Today I want to turn them off. How can you expect somebody to constantly respond?

It’s probably designed to play games. Just imagine how many mind games you can pull by utilizing read receipt.

I’m not in the game for it.

“Btw I have an extra donut if you want I can give it to you”

• “Why do I sound like I need a donut?”

Sorry.

• He shouldn’t have phrased it that way.

You shouldn’t have read it that way.

I started to understand why Drew watched every episode of She’s Gotta Have It twice, maybe not exactly clear about the reason that he thinks it’s a must watch for him but I see why it’s worth to watch twice. A fun fact, do you know that the show is actually first on film as a comedy-drama movie in 1986, a black-and-white TV era. It’s the same storyline with the 2017 Netflix version without cultural polish from 2017. Isn’t it interesting that millennials carried out the same spirit, problems, and fights while being distinguished as provocative and different?

It is a show that can free you of thinking or digging deep into the hidden message. The show itself is the thinking. It’s clear, obvious, and straightforward on what it’s trying to convey. It’s almost never happened to me, that I wasn’t too mentally exhausted after watching a show, or too dragged into it. Inspirational I would call...